The very concept of the affair dating site Ashley Madison is something that many people struggle to understand. Why would you go online to actively seek an extra-marital affair? And what kind of experience can you expect on a site like this? If these are questions you want answered, please continue reading my personal review.
For the uninitiated, this certainly is a doorway into a
whole new world! This is a dating site yes, but not as you know it. Ashley
Madison have the electric feeling of an underground and secretive meeting place
for people with one thing on their minds. Whether that makes you feel
ill-at-ease, or excited and aroused will depend very much on your own
experiences and personality!
But suffice to say that this site is not only for those looking to cheat on their
wives. Not only that, and nor should you necessarily judge everyone present by
the same standards. There are a lot of reasons for sites like this to exist.
And if you’re going to use an affair site, then there are none better than Ashley Madison. This is a site that has been built extremely well, that comes packed with features, and that places security and safety at the very top of its priorities. In other words, this is a place where you can feel comfortable meeting other people with the same things on their minds. And it’s a place where you don’t need to worry about people not being who they say they are, or about card details going missing!
If you’re ready to try something new, to explore uncharted
territories, or to find an outlet for all that pent-up sexual frustration… then
Ashley Madison might be a good place to try out. And even if that doesn’t
describe you, there are other reasons you may want to take a look.
Why Use Ashley Madison?
As mentioned, there are lots of reasons to use this site,
which can go beyond the stereotypical bored wife/husband looking for a bit more
excitement in the sack.
The site lists itself as a “covert dating site” that is
intended for single or attached
individuals who are looking for in-person and online sexual encounters.
This immediately opens up the possible uses of the site.
This is a place for discrete dating, but there are LOTS of reasons that you
might be interested in dating under the radar.
Perhaps you’re currently at the end of a long relationship and you’re going through a messy breakup? You need to find someone new in order to get over that past flame and move on – but you don’t want to rub this under the nose of someone who is still living with you. Moreover, you don’t want to provide ammo for a court case if it comes to a divorce!
How about someone who is simply unhappy in their long-term
relationship? Someone who feels trapped for whatever reason, but isn’t being
sexually, emotionally, or spiritually fulfilled in their current situation?
Then there are people who can’t date publicly for other reasons.
Those could be cultural, or linked with family pressures. Perhaps it’s to do
with who you are – a famous celebrity perhaps? Or maybe it’s just because you
are interested in types of relationship that you would rather not make public.
There are even couples on the site actively and knowingly
seeking polyamorous relationships!
And yes, there are people here too who simply enjoy the
thrill of dating in secret.
The point is that love and sexual attraction take many
forms. And dating somewhere private and discreet ensures that you can enjoy
whatever form your own sexuality takes. It also offers an injection of
uncertainty, risk, and electricity back into the bedroom.
Whatever the case, the concept is clearly popular, as the
Android app alone has over a million downloads!
First, What is Ashley Madison
Ashely Madison was founded in 2001 and is probably the best
known adultery site on the web. It has won a number of awards for its
functionality and design, and is generally considered one of the safest and
most useful tools when it comes to affairs and other types of secretive
When you start using the website, the first thing you are
likely to notice is that it is extremely simple in terms of its design.
When you first arrive on the site, you’ll see a full-screen
image of an attractive woman holding her finger to her lips: it tells you what
the site is about and what the mission statement is.
The only really disappointing thing about this initial
experience, is that there is no way to browse the site freely without signing
in or opting to “view matches.”
Once you’re into the site proper, you’ll find that the
layout is still very simple and straightforward. It is intuitive to find your
way around, and this is good news for someone who wants to focus on the
relationships rather than the UI.
Actually, this also has the benefit of being quick to use
when it needs to be. If you are browsing the website and you don’t want anyone
to see, then you might only have a few moments to steal until someone comes in
and catches you in the act. The fact that this interface lets you very quickly
find what you’re looking for and then get out is a great bonus and not to be
The site uses an attractive grey and pink colorscheme (it
works better than it sounds!). This has the slight feeling of being an exciting
and underground site, but without being in-your-face or difficult to read. In
short, it looks good and helps to create the right mood, but without falling
into sleazy territory, or being style over substance.
My Experience and Ashley Madison Review
I was chosen from the team to review this site, as someone
who was willing to pursue extra marital affairs.
My husband and I have been on the rocks for a while now, and
we’re really sticking together largely for our child. We spend most of the
evening part, and the sex stopped months ago. We both know the other has found
relationships outside of the marriage, and we have an unspoken agreement to
simply not ask about that. We’re cordial yes, but we’re not lovers anymore.
So while I don’t feel a moral obligation to my husband, I
also didn’t want to risk my activities being detected (to avoid a seriously
awkward conversation) – and certainly not by my young daughters!
So I waited until my husband was away with the kids one
night in order to set up the profile. I must admit that I found the whole
experience to be very exciting and sexually charged. I’ve used dating sites
before, but there is something very exciting indeed about using one that is
built around secrecy and sneaking around.
Signing up I found to be easy and straightforward. It was
refreshing being asked some less probing questions. With the emphasis on secrecy
and privacy, you feel much more confident holding back information – which
means you can present the version of yourself you want to. This was extremely
liberating for me, as someone who has had to repress a lot of my sexuality for the past five years.
Something I found particularly arousing, was filling out the
section marked “My Most Intimate Desires.” Filling this section out flooded my
mind with possibilities and got me extremely aroused at the prospect of finally
having some of them fulfilled!
God, why didn’t I do this years ago?
With everything set up, I spent the evening with a glass of
wine, a packet of cigarettes, and my laptop. I browsed through a number of
profiles and had some very exciting conversations with the kinds of guys I
would never normally expect to meet. These guys came from all walks of life, ranging
from young men who had settled down to early, to highly successful
entrepreneurs and businessmen who wanted to keep their activities hidden for a
host of reasons.
There were some really interesting characters and stories
here. I spoke to a fair few women too – and I got the impression quickly that
there is a thriving gay community on the site.
In fact, the community vibe here is particularly good in
general – and better than most dating sites. I think this has something to do
with the secretive nature of the site. Everyone here is in the same boat, and
that creates a real sense of camaraderie. We relied on one another in order to stay safe, and being able to see
feedback from others on profiles was an especially useful tool.
I had “phone sex” (I use quotations as it was through the
laptop) that very night. It felt amazing.
I did find that I struck up a particular bond with one of
the guys I spoke too though, and so I carried on messaging him throughout the
following weeks. That was another good experience: the app is as easy to use as
the website, and is perfectly discrete. My fear was that I was going to get a
ping while sitting in a meeting and then have one of my nosy colleagues looking
over my shoulder!
This was not the case. Instead, I could check the messages
in my own time – using an app that looked entirely nondescript and roused zero
attention when my husband was playing with the phone.
There’s an extremely exciting feeling though going to
squirrel yourself away somewhere so that you can check your phone. The women’s
toilets are of course my go-to!
Eventually, I decided to meet with the guy. I told my
husband I was going out with friends and may stay out at one of theirs. He
didn’t ask any questions.
Instead I met a guy who shall remain nameless at a bar that
was crowded and out of my usual hangouts. I’ve rarely been so excited, and I
wasn’t disappointed! I spent time making myself up to look as hot as possible –
something I haven’t had cause to do in a long time. I wore dark red lipstick,
high heels, and a pearl necklace.
When I met him, he looked just like a guy from a romance
novel: he was in a suit and looked like he’d just come from work. We chatted
all night and flirted, which was immensely arousing. My confidence has never
Ultimately, we parted ways that night and he walked me to a
cab. He was a complete gent and I can’t wait to meet him again next week!
Of course, your experience may vary. Your impressions of any
dating site are always going to be colored to a large degree by the people you
meet there. For me, it was an amazing experience. And I have the community and
tools of Ashley Madison to thank for it. I’m sold!
Features of Ashley Madison
You shouldn’t let that simplicity in design fool you. There
are a lot of great features here, which include all the usual tools such as IM,
chat, messaging, and a call option. It also lets you create extremely detailed
profiles that can contain all the information that you might need to share on a
site like this.
Other useful features include a baked-in feedback section,
as well as the ability to see who has viewed your profile.
This is the best kind of minimalism – everything you need
and nothing you don’t, presented in a manner that you can instantly understand.
Of course, what’s most important for a site like Ashley
Madison, is that it be private and secure. If you are using the site, you are
likely doing so because you want to be discrete. We’ll talk about this more in
an upcoming section, but suffice to say that if privacy and confidentiality is
important to you – Ashley Madison has you covered.
So, Ashley Madison comes packed with all of the features
that you might need for a fully functioning dating site. This is very welcome
news for users, as it means that you aren’t making a compromise in order to
gain the privacy you’re looking for.
There is a very real risk with adultery sites that you end up being forced to avoid the biggest and most popular sites (like Tinder) because you need that privacy. You then end up using a second-rate product that is lacking many of the quality-of-life features that other people get to enjoy!
But with Ashley Madison, you get all those tools and more.
From Sign Up to Being an Ashley Madison Member
Hopefully you’re starting to get a good picture of what Ashley Madison is, who it is for, and why it works as well as it does. If not, please read more from their blog.
But to really get a picture of what to expect, it can be
useful to go through the process of actually getting set up and then meeting
someone. This is particularly important for a discrete dating site like Ashley
Madison, as it gives you a good idea of the kind of information you need to
share, and what measures have been put in place to keep that information
So what is the experience like?
Well first, you will need to choose your sexual identity,
relationship status, and sexual orientation. You will then be able to complete
a sign up process that involves choosing a username and password, selecting a
location, choosing a greeting, and selecting the type of interaction they want.
This process takes about 30 seconds and is very quick, easy, and simple to do.
Next, you will need to select your height, weight,
ethnicity, body type, etc. You’ll use an email address, and you’ll be
encouraged to upload a photograph. You will use your username and password to
sign up, rather than your email, which is the first of many smart decisions
from a security standpoint.
Once you’ve filled out the rest of your profile, you’ll be
able to search for other users as you would do with any other similar site.
When you find the profile of someone that you’re interested in, you’ll then be
able to send a message, send a “gift,” start a chat, or call them. Users can
also add profiles to their lists, so that they can find them again easily in
Some great options on the profiles page for helping you to
find the right kind of partner, are the “My Intimate Desires” section, and “My
Perfect Match” section. Each profile will also show a “feedback” score from
other users. That means that if someone has a bad interaction with another
user, they can leave feedback and thereby warn others about that.
Safety and Security
What’s more, is that there are a lot of features designed specifically to help improve security and safety. There are a lot of these on Ashley Madison.
For example, confidentiality is ensured thanks to features like member identification through the backend of the system using profile IDs – not a username. This keeps fields starred out, and that information is likewise hidden from other users.
In short, you don’t need to keep typing in your email
address – and you never need to tell someone your name unless you want to. Why
not choose a sexy pseudonym?
Ashley Madison uses industry standard security features like SSL and the strongest data encryption for personal information that you’re likely to find. It also makes a number of other smart decisions. For example, the app uses a discrete icon so it won’t stand out in your app drawer, and has biometric security features.
Likewise, you won’t receive emails that could land you in
trouble. All these things ensure that you can date on your terms. In fact, they’re features that can benefit someone who
isn’t even that concerned about their privacy!
The site is also run by a very respectable organization, that clearly takes customer service extremely seriously. Our experiences with the team have been nothing but positive. Check out their FAQ page. Payments are rapid and secure, there are no hidden costs, and they take complaints and reports extremely seriously. You can always get in touch with someone quickly, who will address your concerns quickly and discretely.
Pros and Cons of AshleyMadison
- Excellent confidentiality features
- Very secure
- Trusted company and well-known brand
- Excellent sense of security
- Easy UI
- Good value for money (for more advanced
- No automatic matching features
- Still no accounting for human error. Leave the
tab open on your computer? That’s on you!
Other Customer Reviews of Ashley Madison
“I’ve had nothing but great experiences on Ashley Madison,
it has really expanded my sexual horizons. Thank you!”
“This site has given me the best time of my life and I am
eternally grateful. Should have done it sooner.”
“Simple. Sexy. Fun. Great place to find someone to fool
“I was a bit nervous to use this site at first and really
didn’t know what to expect! The whole experience has been really
straightforward though, and you feel that the site is very secure. I’ve met
some wonderful people and Ashley Madison really did give me what I needed. I
would recommend this site to anyone not happy in their current situation. It’s
a real life saver.”
“My husband and I used Ashley Madison to find another couple
looking for casual hookups. We had an AMAZING time ;-)”
Other Comparable Sites
Comparable Site: Check out our review of Heated Affairs
Comparable Site: Check out our review of Victoria Milan
While the thought of using an adultery site might be one
that fills you with anxiety, that anxiety can quickly turn to anticipation and
excitement. This site helps to remove those nerves thanks to its simple design,
tons of great features, strong sense of community, and very reliable team.
If you are going to use a discrete dating site, you need to
be able to trust the systems in place, and the company behind the tool. You can
trust this site, and we think you’ll have a great time as long as you go in
with an open mind and a willingness to meet new people.
Overall, it’s one of the best dating sites out there, and certainly the best for dating discretely and in private. We think you’ll have a blast!